I recently read this note on my friend - and JOY FM listener :) - Regina's FB page. I asked her to send me the copy because I wanted to post it on my blog. It encouraged me. I hope it does you too!
From Regina......
I have never been exceptionally photogenic.
In fact, before digital cameras, the old joke used to be "If you want a good picture of Regina, you'd better have three rolls of film!"
The only reason people thought I take good photos is because they only see the good ones. And anyone close to me knows how super critical I am of every photgraph taken of me - and how adamantly I insist they remove most of them from FB immediately.
So it was with trepidation I ventured out with the kids yesterday to try out Shannan's new camera. Shannan is a camera nut. She loves photography and is quite good. She is constantly snapping photographs, and unlike me, is remarkably photogenic. I told the kids that I would take the photos, and perhaps try to be in a couple, but I was far from enthusiastic.
By now, you have seen the results of our day. The kids are gorgeous, this I knew. As I looked at the photos which contained me, though, I began to realize that they represented far more than a little photo shoot in the park.
Perhaps because I have looked for so long, to no avail, for someone who truly loves me, romantically speaking...with so many disappointments...my life has been a long journey of going overboard trying to stay skinny, trying to stay ever younger looking, and yes, examining every photo so that all that the public saw was exactly what I wanted them to see.
As I studied the photos from yesterday, I saw for the first time,go figure, that I have aged a bit. My hair is thinner, I have crows feet, and I can most certainly not pass for someone in my 20s anymore. I have always secretly dreaded the day my daughter would become a gorgeous young woman, and wondered if I would be jealous of her youth. As vain as it might be, the attached picture never would have made it to these pages without the magic of photoshop before now. It sounds irrational. But I was always striving to be someone...else. Someone younger and cooler and prettier.
But as I looked at the photo, I saw something I never saw before. I saw a woman who is truly, and honestly, happy. For the first time in my adult life, I love me. I love who I have become, I love my little family. And although I regret many choices I have made, I have forgiven myself...and Jesus has forgiven me. For the first time I can remember, I am comfortable being Regina, 44 year old single mom of two. I absolutely love looking the part. It is who I am, and I fought hard to get here.
It wasn't until I let God show me who I was through His eyes...until I realized how treasured I am in His heart...that I was able to let go of everything and realize how beloved I am. Wrinkles and all. And it feels so good to see myself, at 44, and know I am beautiful because of who He has made me.
In fact, before digital cameras, the old joke used to be "If you want a good picture of Regina, you'd better have three rolls of film!"
The only reason people thought I take good photos is because they only see the good ones. And anyone close to me knows how super critical I am of every photgraph taken of me - and how adamantly I insist they remove most of them from FB immediately.
So it was with trepidation I ventured out with the kids yesterday to try out Shannan's new camera. Shannan is a camera nut. She loves photography and is quite good. She is constantly snapping photographs, and unlike me, is remarkably photogenic. I told the kids that I would take the photos, and perhaps try to be in a couple, but I was far from enthusiastic.
By now, you have seen the results of our day. The kids are gorgeous, this I knew. As I looked at the photos which contained me, though, I began to realize that they represented far more than a little photo shoot in the park.
Perhaps because I have looked for so long, to no avail, for someone who truly loves me, romantically speaking...with so many disappointments...my life has been a long journey of going overboard trying to stay skinny, trying to stay ever younger looking, and yes, examining every photo so that all that the public saw was exactly what I wanted them to see.
As I studied the photos from yesterday, I saw for the first time,go figure, that I have aged a bit. My hair is thinner, I have crows feet, and I can most certainly not pass for someone in my 20s anymore. I have always secretly dreaded the day my daughter would become a gorgeous young woman, and wondered if I would be jealous of her youth. As vain as it might be, the attached picture never would have made it to these pages without the magic of photoshop before now. It sounds irrational. But I was always striving to be someone...else. Someone younger and cooler and prettier.
But as I looked at the photo, I saw something I never saw before. I saw a woman who is truly, and honestly, happy. For the first time in my adult life, I love me. I love who I have become, I love my little family. And although I regret many choices I have made, I have forgiven myself...and Jesus has forgiven me. For the first time I can remember, I am comfortable being Regina, 44 year old single mom of two. I absolutely love looking the part. It is who I am, and I fought hard to get here.
It wasn't until I let God show me who I was through His eyes...until I realized how treasured I am in His heart...that I was able to let go of everything and realize how beloved I am. Wrinkles and all. And it feels so good to see myself, at 44, and know I am beautiful because of who He has made me.
Thanks, Regina! :) I applaud your vulnerability. From someone's who's struggling a bit with age (stupid & vain, I know!), I needed to hear this. Without question, the world is much harder on women than men about beauty & age.
A scripture that I love:
In Psalm 45:11 it says ... "let the King be enthralled by your beauty....."
In the Message version, it says that "He is wild about you!" Wild. I like that.
The King .... the Creator of the heavens & earth. The very One that told the sea where to stop; the One who placed every star in the sky and knows them by name .... is enthralled by our beauty. Wow. I don't know about y'all, but I'm feeling like a princess tonight.
Now, let's go get some beauty rest. :)
5 comments:
I love it, I am in my mid-thirties & have always looked younger than my age, and now,it is catching up with me. I too have struggled to find love, have accepted less than what I deserve, and have struggled with that age old issue of self-confidence. Pair these two things and good things don't usually happen. I have vowed this year to be me, with my laugh lines, silliness, and everything that is me. I will show my children that God does not in fact make any mistakes, whether you're 4 or 40.
Great post. I appreciate your honesty and transparency and applaud your courage in sharing it with the world. :o)
I am reminded of a verse that has blessed me many times concerning a woman aging... Prov 31:25, "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."
I love this post. I can totally relate to it. I'll be 39 this year and I'm constantly scanning the family photos being critical of the way I look. However, a while back I was doing a Bible study called "Me, Myself and Lies" and realized that all the negative things I was telling myself were from the devil. God doesn't want us to cut ourselves down, because we are "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made!" When we talk bad about ourselves, we are talking bad about God's creation. It helped me so much and gave me insight I needed to love myself more.
Regina, you are and have always been beautiful since day one! God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and I know you have certainly had your share. I admire your honesty, confidence, and really knowing yourself. As long as I have known you, you have always shown your true christian heart and shared your giving ways with the people around you! Much love and prayers sent your way to you and your beautiful children. Love, Lois (Jackies Mom)
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